The words of "wisdom" from an unbalanced man on the metro

A want to say first of all, I am not judging this man for being off his rocker or totally wasted...I am only regurgitating his words of wisdom, or you could call it rambling jibber jabber. Because they made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

(as he took up two seat during rush hour) "You don't really think you are going to sit next to me "n word". Ouch! Ouch! Awe! My Leg my leg...I can't move it" (the other man walked away)

(To an larger lady) "How many pound you put on in a week?" "Whats you got there Mrs. Piggy

(To an Hispanic man) "You damn well you ain't sitting next to me. Say excuse me!" The other man said "I'm sorry" "I said say excuse me that is how you appologize." The man walked away and the as he left muttered "God Bless you, Jesus"

(To a man on the phone)"Yeah shut the F--- up with that dumb ass shit

(To some other person) "Damn that is the biggest book I ever saw, those pages are 9 1/2 inch pages.

(to anyone that would listen not in this or necessarily a not all at once)
"Damn Oprah is still fat!"
"Where dis $100 come from? I got mes a hundred dollars. What am I gonna spend it on? Dis is a hunded dollar bill! Let me show you a fitty, you know who is on the fitty dollar bill?
"Hey where did the soccer mom go?"
"Damn hell no San Pedro, I'm going to Compton"
"That's a fat bag of chips right there"
"Chinese chicken and pestoooo" (slightly a song)
"Dang I'm so funky today"
"Hey sista you know what time it is?"
"I want to kill da man who kill Jesus, Damn they killed Jesus and now I'm stuck here"
"Man! Everybody so cute on the bus today" (in the voice you'd use to talk to your pet)
"You got food stamps? You got food stamps? You got food stamps fo sho"

The Best lines EVER:
His Song: "Gheeeettooo...I am heading to the Ghetto" (repeat 2 times)
His Speech: I'm at the liqueur store, I am a liqueur store, I bes a 7/11
His Two sides: "Yeah you go, get the hell out of here. (Yelling) You have a nice day madame.(smiling)

I hope you all loved this man as much I did. Sorry if I have offended anyone.

p.s. I ran out of paper to write down everything he said. I grabbed a receipt, and 2 post it notes. Good thing he did not join me on the Green Line. :-)

p.s.s yesterday I got a picture taken of me on the metro...HAHA some guy in front of me was pretending to take a self portrait but took on of my chest. I guess what comes around goes around.